Assignment 4

To: T. Leoni, Manager, Personnel Department
From: Donald Pryzblo, Manager, Data Processing Department
Subject: INCORRECT PAYROLL CHECKS
I have been reviewing the “errors” in the computer files. I feel that your assumption that my department is at fault is incorrect. My department correctly copied the time tickets that your clerks prepared. I feel the error happened in your department and my people should not be blamed for an error they did not cause. I do not feel your recommendation for my department to compare the copied time sheet to the original entries is not our responsibility. I am offended that you feel that this is my departments fault, and that I had to review over your department’s work to find the error. It also offends me that you were quick to assume that it was my fault before reviewing over the error. I feel that this error can be easily correctly by asking your department to review their work carefully before giving it to out department. Thank you for your time, and please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Respectfully
Donald Pryzblo
Manager, Data Processing Department

The first thing I did with this email is to tone down the anger that this person seems to have. Even though the anger may be justified, but a person receiving an angry email may not be so willing to accommodate the person who wrote the email. Besides, an email of this manner is not good conduct for a professional level. I did not modify the first sentence because I feel it sets the mood of the email, but in a tactful manner. However, the second sentence is very straight forward; it plainly states that the reader is a fault. I feel that this is not a great move. The reader might stop reading the whole email because this one sentence. The reader might get offended or feel that this is just going to be an email that will be filled with finger pointing, and the e-mail’s purpose fails to get through. I reworded the sentence to read more tactful, but still have the same meaning as the original. Most of the sentences the follows were reworded for the same reasons. The part of the email that talked about how it was not my department’s responsibility to proofread their work, it presented some difficulty to reword this part in a tactful way. This is a very important part of this email; I had to revise this part in a way that it is both tactful but yet still sends the message that I feel that this is your fault and your responsibility to do your job, not mine. Because that I made this e-mail more tactful I also felt that it dumb down the message the writer felt offended by being blamed for an error that he felt that wasn’t his fault. So I added a couple of sentences that stated in a tactful manner that the writer felt offended by the readers accusation of guilt, but at a professional level.